Last week, there was this important meeting at work, and the boss decided to hire a new guy who used to work for him. The boss wanted to hire this person through G's company. I ran into this situation before. Every time, when the budget boss wants to hire someone through the one company, he either wants more control on the company or he wants to do a big favor to the hiree. But most of time, it ends up as a win-win if both sides can settle it well, given the hiree is easy to work with.
I remember I read one article on applying thermal dynamics into our daily life:
First law: You cannot win (that is, you cannot get something for nothing, because matter and energy are conserved).
Second law: You cannot break even (you cannot return to the same energy state, because there is always an increase in disorder; entropy always increases).
Zero law: You cannot get out of the game (because absolute zero is unattainable).
That certainly can be applied to most cases we run into during our daily work. We need to find the balance on almost everything. But with a little modification, they can be applied to relationship.
First law : There is no win; but we can achieve a win-win
Second law: There is no break even; but we can achieve a maximum thropy(win-win again)
Zero law : We can find ways to enjoy or have fun in a relationship.
There certainly is no way to measure win or lose in a relationship, simply because we don't know how to measure it - so as love. People always say that it is LOVE that make the world go around. I used to believe it is more like the profit that make the materialism world go around, especially in the commercial world like the one we are in right now, things are profit driven. People say that it is moments, days and nights they spent with their loved ones that will count by the end of the day. They made a point. I remember the hongkong movie “Tempting Heart”, in the end the 2-decade boyfriend showed her a pile of photos of sky. Those were the sky when he missed her, with the when and where on the back of the photos. A little bit dramatic, but still very touchy and literally made the point. When looking back upon the things I went through with D, the first time we met, the gathering afterwards, the sweet moments and also those moments he drove me nuts... We witnessed the relationship grows and we grow along with it. So it is love that move the world around - still learning on how LOVE works its power to do so though. But one thing I learned is that although love cant be measured, but we can certainly know it when it is there. Along all those years, what I learned on the difference between love and infatuation is that time did play different roles in them. Some say that they still love their partner as much now as the very day they met the other half. I say they feel the love more because they know them more, and the infatuation less also because they know them more. Love simply lasts.
How to achieve the win win in a relationship is always a tricky question, espicially when there is no win in a relationship. I guess like anything else in life, we need to learn to how to love and how to feel the love. Maybe this is how we can get to win win. It isn't easy, otherwise we wont see so many people failed. The communication is the bridge, as any other relationships. And being open is the key, open our mind, open our eyes and open our ears. So easy to say and hard to do. There are so many times I have already "get" what BB thinks before he even says it. There are projectings, my projectings. It is silly but it is who we are. We never see the world as WHAT IT IS, but as WHO WE ARE. And there are times we say things as what we wish they are instead of what they really are. Of course bonding also means we intertwine our prespective, i.e. WHO WE ARE. There will be differences, and even crashes. Usually when we try to convince others, we are so convinced that we are right. Arent we? How to find/fight a way out of it. Love, I guess. After all Love is patient, love is kind. I remember in one episode, after a little fight, I said "you know I love you, right?". That was more for me than for him. So is the "I am sorry". According to Jennifer Cavalleri"Love means never having to say you're sorry", along with "never say I love you unless you mean it". So love is hard, because of the patient, kind, not envy, not boast, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking etc... One thing I learned in the relationship is that our partner served as a wonderful mirror for us once we are open. We learn ourselves through them, usually and mostly through the unpleasant confront and fight we had. But the reason we know love lasts is because love is sweet, and it is mouth-watering sweet. So prepared ourselves with a dose of courage and 9 doses of love, give it time and we will have fun and see many beautiful scene on the road.
How to achieve the win win in a relationship is always a tricky question, espicially when there is no win in a relationship. I guess like anything else in life, we need to learn to how to love and how to feel the love. Maybe this is how we can get to win win. It isn't easy, otherwise we wont see so many people failed. The communication is the bridge, as any other relationships. And being open is the key, open our mind, open our eyes and open our ears. So easy to say and hard to do. There are so many times I have already "get" what BB thinks before he even says it. There are projectings, my projectings. It is silly but it is who we are. We never see the world as WHAT IT IS, but as WHO WE ARE. And there are times we say things as what we wish they are instead of what they really are. Of course bonding also means we intertwine our prespective, i.e. WHO WE ARE. There will be differences, and even crashes. Usually when we try to convince others, we are so convinced that we are right. Arent we? How to find/fight a way out of it. Love, I guess. After all Love is patient, love is kind. I remember in one episode, after a little fight, I said "you know I love you, right?". That was more for me than for him. So is the "I am sorry". According to Jennifer Cavalleri"Love means never having to say you're sorry", along with "never say I love you unless you mean it". So love is hard, because of the patient, kind, not envy, not boast, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking etc... One thing I learned in the relationship is that our partner served as a wonderful mirror for us once we are open. We learn ourselves through them, usually and mostly through the unpleasant confront and fight we had. But the reason we know love lasts is because love is sweet, and it is mouth-watering sweet. So prepared ourselves with a dose of courage and 9 doses of love, give it time and we will have fun and see many beautiful scene on the road.
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